Lisa Has Moved!

Hello my lovlies...

I have a new home.

Find me at http://prettygirlloveshimalways.wordpress.com/

new love.

My guy ry...

I don't want to make this an ode to Ry, but this new crazy intense feeling overwhelms me. I am stunned by the unexpected electricity that flows through me, amazed it is possible to be more aware of him than I already was. I can't shake this feeling that he was made for me. He is truly my souls other half...

new blog coming.. i will keep you in the loop.

Heart in a Blender

That's what this still feels like. After all this time. Like I just dropped my heart in a blender, there is a gaping whole in my body, but the nerves are still attached.

Everytime I think about him - which is approximatley 6591247 times a day - it's like someone hits the pulse button. There goes the hurt. It'd be nice to make it throught more than a few hours without tears down my face. To be able to wear makeup again.

I never imagined my life without boy, I still can't. If he knocked on the door right now, I would break my neck leaving with him. I still can only see my future with him in it. There are no babies. No wedding. No bottles of wine. No reason to cook. Some days it is hard to even get out of bed. Still. I know what a difference a year will make, but I can't see the year. I don't have any future without him.

I would beg him back. Desperate. There is no pain like this pain.

This Blog Hurts... Ive Missed You guys!

The Boy and I broke up... about seven weeks ago. I haven't been quite been able to face this blog. It hurts.

Obviously, I don't want to go into the specifics, but I can't even blame him. That doesn't mean I'm not still listening to break up songs (Stay by Sugarland as I write this), still not hurting everyday and crying every time I hear his voice.

I decided to take my big girl pill today... amazing how I am back at square one with a broken heart. On a positive note, I am down 40 pounds since I started this year.

When you know someone, you always know them. When you love someone and loose them, you learn how long eternity is. I wish I could just curl up on the floor and stay here forever. Life doesn't let it go down like that... but I am here and glad to be back.

Las Vegas & Birthdays

Okay, as you all know, I am going to Vegas for my 32nd Birthday.

I have been looking everywhere for things to do, there is so much and so little time. What do you recommend?

The Boy and I are having a disagreement on birthdays. I believe they are all about me, he (who has had way more birthday's than me) thinks they are overrated. I arrive home on my actual birthday, that night he wants to go to a concert at his favorite venue in St. Augustine. I like the show, but not my favorite. Am I being selfish for not agreeing to go to the concert because it's my birthday? He is after all sending me to vegas.

I hate Good-bye.

I live with my best friend D. He is my body man. We do everything together (ya know, except for activities reserved for the boy. )

We have lived here for the past year, and now I am getting a little anxiety about moving on.

Things I love about D: he does everything I want to do, we watch the same movies, he forces me to go to the gym when I don't want to go. He knows me- I mean really knows me. He loves me unconditionally, he plays nice with the boy. He has a little piece of my heart.

I know we are not "breaking up" our friendship by moving apart. But we are going to live nearly 80 miles apart. It won't be the same. I am afraid of the change it will bring. Will we get so caught up in life, that we forget to be apart of each other's lives?

Dreams...and a boyfriend that pushes me to them.

I have been doing this freelancing thing for a while. I don't make as much money as I did when I worked an 8-5, but I do own my own time. That is priceless. It enables me do whatever I like. It kinda stinks to get paychecks from three different people, but it works.

Last night Bill and I were talking about what my plans will be about work when we move to New Smyrna. Am I still going to want to commute an hour each way? Bill is adamant about me finding my passion. So I start to ponder - it's an easy answer: to be a mom. Bill and I are on the same page about having kids, about raising them in a home, without daycare. In a perfect world there are several things I would like to do: Turn one of my many pages of character development into an actual book, open my very own cupcakery. Cause you know, I am like a cupcake: short, sassy & sweet.

My mom work ALOT when I was a kid. As much as I think she did an excellent job raising me and the sister - I want diferent for my kidly beans.. that's why I waited until the ripe age of 32 to start thinking about having them. So I put books and cupcakes on hold, and started getting ready to settle down. Deciding, instead, that I would work part time doing whatever.

Then I shared this philosophy with the boy. He was not biting, and see's no idea why I can't do both - from home. So, now in the middle of a move, while dieting to get pregnant, I find myself creating cupcakes.. and business plans.

Ain't life grand?